Story of My Stroke Continues

Sorry it took so long for this post. I took Christmas off. And then it was hard to get going again.

Chapter 4: Learning My New Life

I’m home! Now what?

It was scary to be home. Last time I was there, I was alone and scared. Now, my family was all around me and I was still scared. I didn’t want to think about what happened here a few days ago, and I didn’t want to think about what would come next.

There were some wonderful things waiting for me at home. First my boys were all there ready to welcome me home. My boys can be so awesome! As I've said before, family is everything.

And then there were the flowers! Flowers, flowers, and more flowers! I love flowers!

Some of them were the most beautiful flowers I’d ever seen--and they were all around me!

My house was filled with messages of love, concern and sympathy. It really helped me feel stronger and comforted. I honestly can’t remember ever feeling so loved and supported beyond my own family.

Friends and neighbors began to drop by with meals, gifts and just lots of hugs and caring. These too helped keep the fears and worries at bay. They helped me stayed grounded and focus on today.

Larry arranged to have our daughter, Tiffany, fly out for a week and stay with me. That was HUGE. I really felt like a lost child in many ways. Having Tiffany there helped, but I admit it was a little weird relying on her so much…the first reversal of roles I’d experienced. I just wish she could have stayed longer.

I cried when she left. But, I'm always crying now.

My wonderful sisters came and cleaned my home, washed my sheets, kept my home a home for many weeks. That was HUGE too. Everything I had done before--all my roles in life--I couldn’t do. Taking care of my husband, children and home were all beyond me.

I’m overwhelmed and honored to have such wonderful friends and family. Thanks everyone. I love you.

I slept a lot--a lot! Those first few weeks, months really, I think I may have slept as much as I was awake. Sleep is very healing for the brain. It’s amazing that our bodies just know what to do to heal. My body demanded tons of sleep.

When I was awake, I had no strength and no real use of my left side. It’s weird that you can be in good shape and, whammy! Something happens and all that strength seems to be gone.

It was very difficult not being independent. I wanted to help all the helpers but physically I just couldn’t do it. I would get exhausted just trying to walk, get dressed for the day, or take a shower. I would do one thing like get dressed, then nap. Do some therapy, then nap. This was draining not just physically, but mentally--especially mentally. I would have a harder time thinking what I should be doing next if I did too much…where are my socks? What was I putting on? Why am I out of bed? Why am I standing by the toilet? Yes, really that one happened.

What a crazy new reality.