One year ago today, I had a hemorrhagic stroke.
Larry asked me, "Who celebrates a tragedy?"
I'm not really celebrating. But, I did find that I kept thinking about it, a lot!
I guess, it was one of those subconscious thoughts that we don't always give voice to. I thought I would be all better by now.
I have been working hard on getting better. I have improved so much! But, I haven't really come to terms with the idea that some things have changed forever. I kept thinking I would eventually be "back."
I am NOT saying that I am giving up. But, I am saying that some things will never be the same; and some things are going to take a much longer time than we thought.
I know I should be celebrating how far I've come today. Instead, I find myself crying. I think I am finally mourning and really accepting that the "old Cathy" is gone.
As the day ends and I have cried myself dry, I am thinking that maybe this mourning was a good thing. I think I am ready to face my "new" me and accept me.
I have come a long way. I am learning so much from this journey. And the new me is okay.
So on with the journey. I will post again tomorrow with Chapter 7.
Cathy, a lot goes into the grieving process. Funny thing is that all the stages will happen. But they are selfish and they show up when it's their time not mine, or yours. I love reading your blog. "Tragedy" as Larry called it does get to be celebrated...if only to see the distance we a gone away from it. It may not be better but the good news is that time is past...and there are some steps forward a maybe some steps back...but there are always some steps, which is always better than none. I love you my friend...
ReplyDeleteMindy