I really didn’t know much about strokes before I had one. I knew they could be deadly and I knew that they messed you up physically. I didn’t know they mess you up emotionally.
After going to physical therapy for a few weeks, my therapists recommended that I see the Rehab Center’s psychologist that works with stroke victims.
This recommendation may have had something to do with me crying almost ALL the time. When things felt scary or difficult, I cried. When I walked for too long, I cried. When I got tired, I cried. When things were overwhelming, I cried. When I was frustrated with all my crying, I cried.
One day while working with the therapist, Shane, suggested we try the elliptical machine. I really was nervous, but wanted to try. We went over to the area of the hospital that had these new state-of-the-art machines. A good friend was in charge of this area. He met us and visited with us while leading us over to the machine. Unfortunately for him, he got a trapped. The machine was against a wall; he ended up between the wall, the machines, and my therapist. So, he got to watch me try the machine. I didn't even do one rotation and I started to cry. It took me by surprise. The feeling of being unbalanced overwhelmed my brain. And really, before I understood what I was feeling, I was crying...hard. Sorry Brent.
So because of this event and many others, they suggested that I might be interested in talking to someone about my stroke. Really?!
There is someone who specializes in talking with stroke victims about how to deal with this? And it’s not recommended at the beginning of your recovery when all the other therapies are prescribed?
They were very careful to make sure I was not offended by the suggestion. Just that this might help me. And here I’ve been talking to my speech therapist (Thank you, Paul) because I desperately needed, wanted information.
How do you deal with a stroke emotionally? How do you cope? Physical restoration is in progress. But, not emotional. This is a huge challenge! And I felt like I was getting few answers. Then, I find out that there is help for this part too. Why don’t they offer this to every stroke victim right off the bat?
“No two strokes are alike.” I heard variations of this statement from Day 1. I realize that many of my challenges are my challenges alone. But, there are many challenges that other stroke sufferers have too.
(Part of why I am writing this is to tell others who are dealing with a stroke themselves or with a loved one….you are not alone. I am dealing with this thing and that; and you may be dealing with some of these too. I mentioned crying a lot on Facebook and got back a few responses like this: “I remember my Dad cried a lot after his stroke. And he doesn’t usually cry much.”)
I would often say something to my neurologist about what I am dealing with. THEN, he would tell me why. For example,
“Doctor. I am crying all the time. Some people say I might be dealing with depression, but I don’t feel depressed…just emotional.”
“Mrs. Macfarlane, I am not surprised that you are emotional. The brain bleed was in the sensory part of your brain.”
Wouldn’t it been helpful to be told that I might be more emotional because of the location of my stroke? I often thought, “Why wasn’t I told this before?”
Many times Larry would ask questions (because my brain was still foggy, and I would forget. He would ask, and I’d think…oh yeah, I was wondering about that.) Anyway, we would ask a question and be told, “No two strokes are the same, but this is often a result from a stroke.” Why wasn’t I given more info on what I might be dealing with? Are they worried about legal ramifications? I don’t know the reasoning. But, it was frustrating not knowing if what I am dealing with is stroke or me dealing with the stroke.
So, YAY!! I got to go to a psychologist. It was so nice knowing that most of what I was dealing with was stroke. And then, how do I deal with this? I learned that some things I could fix right away. But most were going to be a process. But, I had someone who would talk to me. This was huge for me. Now I was on the road to recovery physically and emotionally. I've found it's a long road.
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