Part 2: My New Reality

Chapter 9:  All Better?

“You’re all better now, right?” 

That question always takes me by surprise.  How should I answer that?  Uh…no?

I suspect people want me to say yes.   I know I look all better.  But, I’m far from all better in many ways.  To me, this is an awkward question.

I am grateful that I look like I’m back to normal.  I am grateful that I don’t slur my words or limp or use a walker.  I have come so far and I am blessed that my stroke didn’t leave me in a wheelchair or unable to communicate as it does with so many. But, strangely, sometimes I wish my injury were a little more visible.

When you are in a cast or have a bandage wrapped around your head, people can see that you have an injury.  It’s obvious.  And you are treated accordingly.  I have a hole in my brain that will always be there.  I can just imagine if the hole were visible… everyone would know that I have a problem.  But, that would be really disgusting.  I am VERY grateful you all can’t see my injury.  

That leaves me with sharing my struggles with those who really want to know and coming to accept the fact that most people will just assume I’m all better.

I mostly get asked, “How are you doing?” 

I have learned how to respond to that.  “Fine.”  “Plugging along.”  “Getting better.  Slowly, but surely.” 

I so appreciate being asked.  To me you are saying, “I still care.  I am aware that you are still struggling.”  But, I know you don’t really want me to bring out my long list of ailments.

This is a bit of a lonely journey.  I got tons of support at the beginning and then life moved on.  We like the idea that when we get hurt, we get better.  We heal. 

With a stroke, or any brain injury you often can’t ever completely heal. This was one of my hardest challenges of the stroke; I had to accept that I might never be the Cathy I was two years ago.  But, I am continually working to improve what I can.  And I am learning coping strategies with the things that look like I may have to deal with the rest of my life.

Part two of this story is for those of you that really do want to know my long list of ailments.  Thanks so much for those who have asked to continue with my story.  Or perhaps you are dealing with a stroke and maybe some of this will resonate with you.  Or maybe this will give a glimpse of how to deal with someone who is dealing with a stroke.  Or maybe you are just curious.  In any case, here we go.