Chapter 9: All Better?
“You’re
all better now, right?”
That
question always takes me by surprise.
How should I answer that? Uh…no?
I
suspect people want me to say yes. I
know I look all better. But, I’m far from all better in many
ways. To me, this is an awkward
question.
I
am grateful that I look like I’m back to normal. I am grateful that I don’t slur my words or
limp or use a walker. I have come so far
and I am blessed that my stroke didn’t leave me in a wheelchair or unable to
communicate as it does with so many. But, strangely, sometimes I wish my injury
were a little more visible.
When
you are in a cast or have a bandage wrapped around your head, people can see
that you have an injury. It’s
obvious. And you are treated
accordingly. I have a hole in my brain
that will always be there. I can just imagine if the hole were visible…
everyone would know that I have a problem.
But, that would be really disgusting.
I am VERY grateful you all can’t see my injury.
That
leaves me with sharing my struggles with those who really want to know and
coming to accept the fact that most people will just assume I’m all better.
I
mostly get asked, “How are you doing?”
I
have learned how to respond to that.
“Fine.” “Plugging along.” “Getting better. Slowly, but surely.”
I
so appreciate being asked. To me you are
saying, “I still care. I am aware that
you are still struggling.” But, I know
you don’t really want me to bring out my long list of ailments.
This
is a bit of a lonely journey. I got tons
of support at the beginning and then life moved on. We like the idea that when we get hurt, we
get better. We heal.
With
a stroke, or any brain injury you often can’t ever completely heal. This was
one of my hardest challenges of the stroke; I had to accept that I might never
be the Cathy I was two years ago. But, I
am continually working to improve what I can.
And I am learning coping strategies with the things that look like I may
have to deal with the rest of my life.
Part
two of this story is for those of you that really do want to know my long list
of ailments. Thanks so much for those who have asked to continue with my story. Or perhaps you are dealing with a stroke and
maybe some of this will resonate with you.
Or maybe this will give a glimpse of how to deal with someone who is
dealing with a stroke. Or maybe you are
just curious. In any case, here we go.
