Larry and Cathy

Chapter 8: Blame It On the Brain

2011-04-02T10:35:00.001-06:00

I had a hemorrhagic stroke, or as I refer to it, a brain bleed. A vein in my brain ruptured and started to bleed out in my brain. This causes a lot of damage to the brain. And logically, the more you bleed the more damage that happens. I’m told that mine was a moderate bleed.

Looking at the scan, it looked like the size of the bleed was about the width of a quarter. Sometimes I think that’s not too big, not too bad, it could have been worse. Other times, I think, Wow! That was a big chunk of brain I lost.

I had several scans and MRIs throughout this process watching and hoping for the bleeding to stop growing and start diminishing. I was very blessed with this too; the bleeding stopped increasing after the first day.

Then, the therapy started and we focused on my healing, while we waited for the blood to be absorbed into the brain. The doctors needed a picture without the blood blocking the view to see the full damage and if there were more weak veins to be concerned about.

When I looked the pictures of the first scans, I saw a shiny white spot. This was the blood on the brain. When I finally saw my last picture, I saw a big black spot.

I looked at the doctor and said, “This looks like a big hole.” He told me it was a hole. Larry and I looked at each other, and then Larry asked, “Will this get smaller through time?” Unfortunately, no.

Apparently, when blood touches brain, it kills the brain. They had told me that blood kills brain tissue before, but I guess it hadn’t really registered what that meant. It doesn’t just mean I hurt my brain. I have a HOLE in my brain! Literally.

The brain is an amazing thing. I have really come to appreciate my brain. There is SO much that I can and have retrained. New pathways have made connections and I can teach my body to walk again, to move my arm again. I really am awed at all we can learn and relearn.

There are some things that can’t be relearned.

Some memories are gone. Every now and then Larry or one of the kids will bring up a memory that I have no recollection of, none. Usually with memories, a person can tell you things you did, said, experienced and at least a vague memory will come back. You say something like, “Oh, yeah.” or “That sounds familiar.” I do have those, but I also have complete blanks…nothing. Memories and experiences can’t be retrained; they are just gone like I never did those things.

I also struggle with words. The right word eludes me. I feel like I should know this word, but can’t find it. Or I say the wrong word and don’t even realize it. Here’s a couple of examples.

Tiffany calls me on Skype and I want to see the grandbabies. Sadly, they have already gone to bed. I tell her, “You’ll have to reschedule their birthdays so I can see them next time.” Tiffany pauses and says, “Bedtimes?” “What did I say?” Well, they both started with a b.

Another time, I was visiting with a friend and telling I was looking for to Crocodile time. She looked at me really weirdly. You could tell she was trying to figure out what I talking about. Then, she started to chuckle and said, “Christmas time?” “Yes, what did I say?” I don’t even realize I am saying the wrong words! But, after she explained, I had to laugh with her. Crocodile was ridiculous!

I have friends tell me that they do this too. But, I do it all the time now. I feel stupid! No, I feel like I am less. I have lost knowledge that I used to have. I literally can feel that there are things missing. It wasn’t a gradual loss and change that you have as you get older. I’ve felt that in the past and there is a definite difference. It’s a scary feeling, a sad loss.

I don’t want you to think that all I do now is have a pity party! It would be easy to fall into a major funk and I would be lying if I didn’t say I feel those funks from time to time. But, mostly I try to stay focused forward and try to find a light side to life.

So, when I say the wrong word or struggle to say a word that just will not come, I stop and say, “Stroke brain” and smile. My kids having taken to saying, “That’s just Momma’s stroke brain” when they can tell I am feeling down on myself. I am learning to laugh at myself. Another blessing.

When I do stupid things, I now just say, “Blame it on the brain.”

Chapter 7: Family

2011-02-28T16:55:00.001-07:00

I can’t mention enough all the love and support I received from friends and family. It was awesome and very humbling. Thank you, thank you!

I have learned during this journey, that my stroke was a huge adjustment and challenge for the whole family. This is not just my trial.

So many people reached out to me, asking me how I’m doing. But, I think we often forget the loved ones who are coping with this “whammy” in their lives too.

I was not myself for a long time. I’m still trying to “find” Cathy in many aspects of my life. And I’ve come to accept that some things will never be the same.

As I mentioned previously, a stroke is not just about physical damage; it’s also emotional and memory damage. This affected the way I interact with people. For many months, I was really mentally disconnected from my life, my family, and my emotions. My only real emotional response was crying. I either cried or was almost emotion-less.

Honestly, the crying is an improvement of sorts. If you know me well, you know I am a worrier. Larry calls me a professional worrier. After the stroke, I didn’t worry…about anything. I remembered enough about me that I knew that I should care about some things, but I really didn’t.

Dinner for the family? Laundry? Dishes? Homework? House cleaning? Emotional support for my husband and boys? Someone will take care of all of it. Or nobody will. These responsibilities that were my life a few days ago, were no longer there for me. All of these things just didn’t even occur to me.

Looking back it sounds so cold! How could I have been so selfish? It didn’t feel that way at the time though. I felt like I was watching the world through the wrong end of a telescope and was completely disconnected. It was all happening “out there” and wasn’t really part of my life.

Needless to say this was a hard adjustment for all of us. I scared everyone with my near-death experience. And now mom/Cathy is back, but not the mom/Cathy they knew.

Tiffany asked her Dad when do we get our mom back? Sometimes Larry still wonders out loud if I’ll ever fully return. Honestly, I wonder too.

Larry later compared dealing with a stroke to the stages of mourning. We’re long past denial now, mostly into the acceptance phase, but sometimes a little frustration still pops up in our lives. We miss what we’ve lost.

When I first had my stroke, Larry was scared and stressed. Then, he was so caring and by my side 24/7. As my physical drooping and speech disappeared quickly, he hoped that the rest would heal quickly too. Larry soon went into fix-it mode. He was my cheerleader and great supporter as I went through therapy.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a quick fix. And his support often felt like pressure to me and I would get frustrated and, yes you guessed it, cry. He in turn felt like I wasn’t trying enough. We had to turn to the therapists and the psychologist often for counsel. Often it was not what he wanted OR what I felt, but a little bit of both.

Larry’s need to get it fixed ASAP is gone. I feel like we are a team working through all these challenges together. We both want me to continue to heal; but we both realize what we thought was healing (all better) and what is actually healing (steadily moving forward) is a better fit for dealing with a stroke. We still have our bumps, but that’s life; what couple doesn’t?

I appreciate those who reached out to Larry, who asked how he was doing. Sometimes I wonder whether he or I experienced the deepest loss. We have always been very close, affectionate, best friends as well as companions in raising a family.

Since the stroke I find it difficult to be as affectionate—I just don’t “feel” the way I used to feel. I don’t want to do many of the things Larry and I used to do together—crowds, noises, risks, feelings make me cry. He isn’t sure who he will find when he returns home from work every day now—a fragile, crying woman, a disconnected woman, or a wife who is happy to see him return. It changes from day to day. I need more from Larry than ever before in our lives and I probably return less. We’re still struggling to find our footing in this changed life.

Larry read this before I posted it and wanted me to add that there are also tender mercies in all we’ve been through. We’ve discovered how much love and support we have. We’ve discovered even greater depth in our commitment to each other. And Larry says I’ve become kinder, more thoughtful and more patient. He says I’m more beautiful too but I think he’s been fibbing about that for years.

Thank you, hubby. I do love you more than I can say.

I now see people’s struggles and illnesses as family challenges. We all struggle together, and we all grow together. Thank goodness for families. And family…Thank you for your patience.

One Year

2011-02-27T22:39:00.005-07:00

One year ago today, I had a hemorrhagic stroke.

Larry asked me, "Who celebrates a tragedy?"

I'm not really celebrating. But, I did find that I kept thinking about it, a lot!

I guess, it was one of those subconscious thoughts that we don't always give voice to. I thought I would be all better by now.

I have been working hard on getting better. I have improved so much! But, I haven't really come to terms with the idea that some things have changed forever. I kept thinking I would eventually be "back."

I am NOT saying that I am giving up. But, I am saying that some things will never be the same; and some things are going to take a much longer time than we thought.

I know I should be celebrating how far I've come today. Instead, I find myself crying. I think I am finally mourning and really accepting that the "old Cathy" is gone.

As the day ends and I have cried myself dry, I am thinking that maybe this mourning was a good thing. I think I am ready to face my "new" me and accept me.

I have come a long way. I am learning so much from this journey. And the new me is okay.

So on with the journey. I will post again tomorrow with Chapter 7.

Chapter 6: Emotional Rescue

2011-02-21T08:59:00.007-07:00

I really didn’t know much about strokes before I had one. I knew they could be deadly and I knew that they messed you up physically. I didn’t know they mess you up emotionally.

After going to physical therapy for a few weeks, my therapists recommended that I see the Rehab Center’s psychologist that works with stroke victims.

This recommendation may have had something to do with me crying almost ALL the time. When things felt scary or difficult, I cried. When I walked for too long, I cried. When I got tired, I cried. When things were overwhelming, I cried. When I was frustrated with all my crying, I cried.

One day while working with the therapist, Shane, suggested we try the elliptical machine. I really was nervous, but wanted to try. We went over to the area of the hospital that had these new state-of-the-art machines. A good friend was in charge of this area. He met us and visited with us while leading us over to the machine. Unfortunately for him, he got a trapped. The machine was against a wall; he ended up between the wall, the machines, and my therapist. So, he got to watch me try the machine. I didn't even do one rotation and I started to cry. It took me by surprise. The feeling of being unbalanced overwhelmed my brain. And really, before I understood what I was feeling, I was crying...hard. Sorry Brent.

So because of this event and many others, they suggested that I might be interested in talking to someone about my stroke. Really?!

There is someone who specializes in talking with stroke victims about how to deal with this? And it’s not recommended at the beginning of your recovery when all the other therapies are prescribed?

They were very careful to make sure I was not offended by the suggestion. Just that this might help me. And here I’ve been talking to my speech therapist (Thank you, Paul) because I desperately needed, wanted information.

How do you deal with a stroke emotionally? How do you cope? Physical restoration is in progress. But, not emotional. This is a huge challenge! And I felt like I was getting few answers. Then, I find out that there is help for this part too. Why don’t they offer this to every stroke victim right off the bat?

“No two strokes are alike.” I heard variations of this statement from Day 1. I realize that many of my challenges are my challenges alone. But, there are many challenges that other stroke sufferers have too.

(Part of why I am writing this is to tell others who are dealing with a stroke themselves or with a loved one….you are not alone. I am dealing with this thing and that; and you may be dealing with some of these too. I mentioned crying a lot on Facebook and got back a few responses like this: “I remember my Dad cried a lot after his stroke. And he doesn’t usually cry much.”)

I would often say something to my neurologist about what I am dealing with. THEN, he would tell me why. For example,

“Doctor. I am crying all the time. Some people say I might be dealing with depression, but I don’t feel depressed…just emotional.”

“Mrs. Macfarlane, I am not surprised that you are emotional. The brain bleed was in the sensory part of your brain.”

Wouldn’t it been helpful to be told that I might be more emotional because of the location of my stroke? I often thought, “Why wasn’t I told this before?”

Many times Larry would ask questions (because my brain was still foggy, and I would forget. He would ask, and I’d think…oh yeah, I was wondering about that.) Anyway, we would ask a question and be told, “No two strokes are the same, but this is often a result from a stroke.” Why wasn’t I given more info on what I might be dealing with? Are they worried about legal ramifications? I don’t know the reasoning. But, it was frustrating not knowing if what I am dealing with is stroke or me dealing with the stroke.

So, YAY!! I got to go to a psychologist. It was so nice knowing that most of what I was dealing with was stroke. And then, how do I deal with this? I learned that some things I could fix right away. But most were going to be a process. But, I had someone who would talk to me. This was huge for me. Now I was on the road to recovery physically and emotionally. I've found it's a long road.

Chapter 5: Therapy

2011-02-14T08:35:00.008-07:00

Before I left the hospital, I was given three choices.

Option one: I could stay at the hospital. Initially, I wanted to stay. Then I got all the lovely details. If I stayed, I would be moved to the “rehab” area of the hospital and have lots of therapy--not too bad. But if I stayed, I would have to stay for at least 10 more days--the most intensive part of the therapy I needed. I wanted to stay until I felt better, but not that long! I passed on option one.

Option two: Go home and have a therapist come to my home. This sounded pretty good! Then again, there was fine print: in order to have a therapist come to your home, you must be homebound. Okay, I’m not going anywhere. My home and my bed, especially my bed were beckoning. But homebound means you can’t go anywhere! (except to the doctors.) I couldn’t have Larry take me on a drive. I couldn’t go outdoors. I couldn’t leave my home, period. I didn’t really think I would go anywhere, but I didn’t like that I couldn’t either. Call me a control freak but I passed on option two.

Option three: Go home and have someone bring me back to the hospital for therapy 2-3 times a week. I chose door number three.

Therapy sounded promising, hopeful and not too difficult, really. Boy, was I ever wrong.

Physical Therapy

This is where I learned to walk again. I started trying by using a walker. It turns out that stroke recovery is completely different than recovering from a physical injury. The main difference I learned was NOT to push through the pain. I would walk around the house with the walker and do a few loops. My foot would start to drag and I would tell myself, you can do one more. I found out this was a big no-no!

I wasn’t teaching my leg to walk. I was re-training my brain. If I taught my brain that dragging my foot was the way to walk, then I would always walk with a limp. I was taught to only walk as far as I could do it correctly. As soon as I perceived that I was struggling to do something correctly I was supposed to stop and rest. That turned out to be only a little therapy and a lot of napping at first.

There are many ways to learn to walk again. For me the one that clicked was walking on a treadmill. It was very scary and too fast at first--at least in my mind. But, the rhythm of it helped me walk steadily without limping. I started out ridiculously slow and I tired out after just two minutes of walking. But, I was walking!

The next physical therapy was learning to climb stairs. My fun lesson here was, “The good go to heaven and the bad go to hell.” So I go up leading with the good leg and I go down leading with the bad leg. It was a great way to remember. I still think of it when I use stairs now. :-)

Occupational Therapy

Where physical therapy was all about large muscle movements like walking and climbing stairs, occupational therapy was about the little stuff. This was to help me use my arm and more importantly my hand again. They have all sorts of tools and exercises to help regain fine motor skills. It was also helpful in stopping the “claw.” My hand wanted to curl up into a claw and then curl up protectively against my chest. (A year later it still wants to do this.) They also tested my grip strength. I could grip 40 lbs. in my right hand and 2 in my left! I had my work cut out for me.

There were all sorts of creative exercises for me. Most involved very interesting props and tools--many of which were made by boy scouts as Eagle Projects which I thought was a wonderful idea. They included: put the pegs in the right holes, drop the washers onto the dowels, pick the beads out of the therapy putty, etc. Sounds fun, huh? It was torture! These little tasks were unbelievably difficult. Lifting a small metal washer off a peg and placing it on another one would take 30 seconds of intense concentration and slow, trembling movements—only to drop the washer and have to start over. Little by little, over many weeks, I got better and faster at these movements. My coordination, strength and endurance started improving.

My favorite exercises were learning how to do everyday skills again. They had all the things you use at home, like a hair dryer and toothbrush and toothpaste, at the rehab center! I re-learned how to blow dry my hair—nearly impossible. I re-learned to brush my teeth, shake out a piece of laundry, fold a towel. Simple, right? Hardly. When your left arm doesn’t want to cooperate, these are an incredible challenge. Imagine trying to get your one year old to fold socks. That’s about how much coordination I had. I was thrilled when I could finally lift my arm up to my head. Then, I had to be able to keep that arm up!

Speech Therapy

For many stroke victims speech therapy is the hardest part of recovery. For me, because of the part of my brain that was damaged, speech wasn’t a huge problem. Thinking was another matter so for me this was more “cognitive therapy.” I struggled to think and have words come to mind. After a battery of tests, my therapist Paul knew where my weaknesses were.

Here I had to read books out loud. This was to help with inflection. Apparently I spoke in a bit of a monotone now. No emotion.

I was also given exercises for swallowing. The left side of my throat wouldn’t always close and I would end up choking.

I was given challenges to try and multi-task. That was hard! I could barely come up with one thing to do, let alone try to do two!

Paul was also a long-time friend. So I admit, I shared a lot of my worries and questions with him. He was great about listening and finding answers for me, if he didn’t know.

Recovery

Larry was super supportive and took me to therapy for weeks, leaving work and cancelling trips to be there for me. Eventually I felt emotionally up to letting someone drive me. And after a few months I felt up to doing the exercises on my own, at home.

I was so blessed. After lots of work I could start to see a light at the far end of a long tunnel. I felt I was eventually going to get my life back—or at least something close to what it was before.

Story of My Stroke Continues

2011-02-07T09:58:00.011-07:00

Sorry it took so long for this post. I took Christmas off. And then it was hard to get going again.

Chapter 4: Learning My New Life

I’m home! Now what?

It was scary to be home. Last time I was there, I was alone and scared. Now, my family was all around me and I was still scared. I didn’t want to think about what happened here a few days ago, and I didn’t want to think about what would come next.

There were some wonderful things waiting for me at home. First my boys were all there ready to welcome me home. My boys can be so awesome! As I've said before, family is everything.

And then there were the flowers! Flowers, flowers, and more flowers! I love flowers!

Some of them were the most beautiful flowers I’d ever seen--and they were all around me!

My house was filled with messages of love, concern and sympathy. It really helped me feel stronger and comforted. I honestly can’t remember ever feeling so loved and supported beyond my own family.

Friends and neighbors began to drop by with meals, gifts and just lots of hugs and caring. These too helped keep the fears and worries at bay. They helped me stayed grounded and focus on today.

Larry arranged to have our daughter, Tiffany, fly out for a week and stay with me. That was HUGE. I really felt like a lost child in many ways. Having Tiffany there helped, but I admit it was a little weird relying on her so much…the first reversal of roles I’d experienced. I just wish she could have stayed longer.

I cried when she left. But, I'm always crying now.

My wonderful sisters came and cleaned my home, washed my sheets, kept my home a home for many weeks. That was HUGE too. Everything I had done before--all my roles in life--I couldn’t do. Taking care of my husband, children and home were all beyond me.

I’m overwhelmed and honored to have such wonderful friends and family. Thanks everyone. I love you.

I slept a lot--a lot! Those first few weeks, months really, I think I may have slept as much as I was awake. Sleep is very healing for the brain. It’s amazing that our bodies just know what to do to heal. My body demanded tons of sleep.

When I was awake, I had no strength and no real use of my left side. It’s weird that you can be in good shape and, whammy! Something happens and all that strength seems to be gone.

It was very difficult not being independent. I wanted to help all the helpers but physically I just couldn’t do it. I would get exhausted just trying to walk, get dressed for the day, or take a shower. I would do one thing like get dressed, then nap. Do some therapy, then nap. This was draining not just physically, but mentally--especially mentally. I would have a harder time thinking what I should be doing next if I did too much…where are my socks? What was I putting on? Why am I out of bed? Why am I standing by the toilet? Yes, really that one happened.

What a crazy new reality.

Chapter 3: In the Fog

2010-12-13T08:46:00.014-07:00

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I awoke Sunday morning in the fog—or at least that’s how it felt. Everything was surreal. Here’s how my new reality started: going to the bathroom first thing in the morning. I had to beep for the nurse to come in and detach me from all my many wires. Then, she helped me walk to the bathroom and showed me the little bar I could hold on to. I definitely wanted to do this by myself. But, what an ordeal!

Imagine trying to pull down your undies when you think both arms are pushing, but one isn’t; imagine trying to unroll the TP with the left arm, believing you are doing it, and then finding that nothing at all is happening. You’re trying to do it; you think you’re doing it; and then you look down to find there is no TP in your hand and your hand is just hanging there doing nothing. This was the first of many times I instinctively tried to do something and found my left side not cooperating! Still, I was less frustrated than you might think. My “brain fog” kept everything at a distance and I kind of just watched the show. Thank goodness, probably. I think I would have freaked out had I realized how bad things were at this point.

Extended family members arrived at my hospital room first thing in the morning, followed shortly by the worried and loving face of my husband. It was so good to see him! I didn’t realize how much I depended on his emotional strength until he wasn’t there when I needed him. Just having him there was a huge comfort.

Unfortunately, Larry told me later that he couldn’t really tell how glad I was to see him. The left side of my face was paralyzed and drooping; my left arm and left leg were nearly as paralyzed; and most of all, I was lost in the fog. So while I was happy and relieved to have Larry there, as far as he could tell I took it for granted. The Cathy he left a few days before wasn’t “all there.”

Devin arrived at the hospital shortly after Larry. All my boys were by my side. Boys aren’t always the best at showing they love you and care. But now they were so supportive and loving! It’s at times like these: unexpected, uncertain, scary, when we realize how important family is. I am so grateful that I was living near family when all of this happened.

Family was just the start. I had been worried that nobody would care that I was in the hospital. Nobody would even miss me! Larz had brought me my cell phone the night before. So, struggling with my right hand, I had been able to text a few people. The word spread. Instead of nobody … Wow! I felt overwhelmed and thankful for all the love and support I received from all my family and many, many friends. I have debated whether to post everyone’s names that came to see me. I don’t want to forget. But I also don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable … those who came and those who didn’t know, couldn’t come, etc.

So, for those who came, please know how much it meant to me. THANK YOU! I was feeling so lost and frightened. Your love and concern was a big boost to my spirits. Thank you for the flowers, for the gifts to help with my therapy, for the treats, for the chocolate, for the food, for helping me look pretty, for everything! And for those of you couldn’t come, please know how much your expressions of concern and sympathy meant later on. I love you all!

In between visits from loved ones, I had visits from doctors. And more doctors. And more doctors. I had an ER doctor, an internist, a neurologist, and a few others; I couldn’t keep them all straight. I had another CT scan and an MRI. Basically their news confirmed my stroke. Also, the brain bleeding was stopping; YAY!! Wonderful news, what a blessing. But still there were no answers: Why me? Why now? What happens next?

For the next few days in the hospital the tests seemed endless. The doctors didn’t know why I had the stroke in the first place. No, I didn’t have high blood pressure. No, I wasn’t overweight or out of shape. No, I don’t smoke. No, I’m not old and suffering from poor health. So, their conclusion: a fluke or bad genetics. Oh thanks; how comforting!

To confirm their preliminary diagnosis, they administered tests to see if I had any other weak veins that might rupture and bleed. They had decided that I might have an AVM (arterio-venal malformation.) Basically, a weak blood vessel that ruptured. And if there was one of these, there might be more.

The post-stroke therapy was almost as intense as the testing. Stroke victims need to start working on developing new patterns right away and the hospital didn’t waste any time.

I was visited by a speech therapist. My slurred speech was rapidly improving, but thinking was difficult in my fog, and trying to speak was challenging.

I was visited by physical therapists. Two of them helped me out of bed and tried to get me to walk around the nurses’ station. This was so hard! I wasn’t able to do it without help and I would tire and start to cry about half way along their sixty-foot route. I “got” to do this about 3-4 times a day.

I was also supposed to be visited by an occupational therapist. I had no idea what an occupational therapist was, so when he didn’t show up at first, I wasn’t too concerned. It turns out this particular therapist helps with your hands and arms and learning to do fine motor skills again. My arm was my most damaged part of my body from the stroke. So, yes, I needed my occupational therapist! Luckily, my doctors were great advocates in making sure I finally started this therapy too.

All of these people coming in and out was a blessing. It was a wonderful distraction that helped me start to see through the fog. I visited, I did my therapy, I went for tests… I just responded to all that was happening. It was hard to think and scary to think, so I mostly didn’t. And through all of this, for all the days in the hospital, Larry stayed by my side. He was my fog light and I can’t imagine what it would have been like without him.

On Monday, after only two full days in the hospital, I got the “good news.” The doctors felt I was functioning well enough to go home. I could leave that day. They thought I’d be pleased.

I felt like I’d had the wind knocked out of me. Are you kidding me? Go home? I wasn’t all better! I wasn’t even close! I couldn’t walk on my own! I couldn’t even comb my own hair! I could barely even think through the fog! They didn’t even know yet if I’d have another stroke! I thought I’d go home walking. I thought I would go home healed, or at least mostly so. I thought I’d have answers that would help me feel confident that I would never go through this again. I thought I would go home when I was ready. I DIDN’T FEEL READY!! I cried again as I had so many times in the hospital. This was so overwhelming!

Larry was with me but I felt scared and very alone. I wasn’t ready to face the world outside the hospital. I wasn’t ready to be at home and try to live life again. They had been telling me I would be in the hospital for at least a week. I was mentally set for that. No! I don’t want to go, yet!

I was such an emotional mess that the doctors agreed to have me stay one more day. For a day-and-a-half the physical therapy continued and I finally started the occupational therapy. Larry kept telling me this was good news, that I’m healing quicker than expected. Larry helped me think about the future, shining the light through the fog.

By Tuesday evening I had just enough courage to gather myself together emotionally and step from a wheelchair into our car to go home. I still didn’t feel in any condition to go home and pretend I could handle “real life.” But now I had grasped the awful truth: life as I knew it was over. A new life lay ahead and it was time to live it. All I could do was turn to my Heavenly Father, “Please help!”

Chapter 2: Down the Rabbit Hole

2010-12-05T20:36:00.003-07:00

Saturday, Feb. 27, 2010

If you ever want fast attention at the ER, tell them you think you’ve had a stroke. I’ve been to the ER before so I went in assuming I would be sitting for a while. Nope. They had me meet with a nurse who took my blood pressure, asked me to smile (I guess my left side wasn’t working), asked a few questions, and that was it. I was put in a wheel chair and they literally ran down the hall with me. I was taken to a room where they helped me get into one of those lovely hospital gowns as fast as they could and then I was put on a gurney. Again, it was a race down the hall.

Apparently when you have a stroke, they need to diagnose it very quickly to determine whether the stroke is caused by a blood clot (an ischemic stroke) or bleeding into the brain (a hemorrhagic stroke.) Getting the right medicine quickly can mean the difference between a lifelong handicap and a full recovery. Treating the wrong problem can cause death! Thank goodness I didn’t know that while all the commotion was happening. All I could think was: they’re going to fix me.

I ended up getting a CT scan first. Since I got to the hospital quickly after the stroke they kind of hoped to find a blood clot in my brain. There is medicine that can help break up a clot and reduce or even completely avoid damage to the brain—but only if taken within the first few hours.

So, I had my scan and waited for the verdict. After reviewing the scans and talking to a neurosurgeon, the ER doctor came in with the news. Yes, I had experienced a stroke. No, it wasn’t a blood clot. 85% of stoke victims have blood clot strokes, but not me. I had a hemorrhagic stroke. Basically this means that a blood vessel in my brain ruptured and was bleeding. The neurosurgeon said that the rupture was deep in the right side of my brain—too deep to operate without causing permanent brain damage or death. All we could do was wait and hope for the bleeding to stop soon.

Seriously? All we could do is wait?! I burst into tears.

But that wasn’t really all they could do. They could also make sure my blood pressure wasn’t so high that I was making the bleeding worse. I might have been hyperventilating just a bit. I felt like totally freaking out!

They hooked me up to an IV and attached electrode wires all over my body. They put an oxygen tube in my nose. And they wrapped a blood pressure cuff on my arm. I was a mess of wires. They gave me some blood pressure medicine as a precaution. Then the terrible waiting began.

Unbeknownst to me, Larry (husband), out of town in Mexico City, was from time to time getting updates on my condition from his dad (also Larry). Since I last spoke with him on the phone from home he’d cancelled all his commitments and started trying to get home to me. It was late in the afternoon in Mexico but he still hoped that maybe, somehow, he could get home by late tonight. Larry grabbed a colleague with a car to drive him from his meetings back to his hotel. He crammed everything into his suitcase, and raced for the airport, talking non-stop to travel agents, airlines, and private jet companies. He was still looking for his best option when his colleague dropped him at the airport, stranded and feeling as alone as he’d ever been.

Eventually Larry had to accept two pieces of bad news: First, despite all his efforts, he couldn’t get home today. His best option was to take the last flight to the US tonight, flying through Los Angeles with a five hour layover that wouldn’t allow him to get to the hospital until 9am tomorrow. Second, he learned what I hadn’t fully understood. If the bleeding stopped, he’d be holding me in the morning. If it didn’t…

My in-laws were there with me all this time. The nurses came and checked on me and on all the monitors to make sure I wasn’t getting worse. I’m so grateful to Larry and Nancy. They were great help emotionally and asked all the questions that I wanted answered but couldn’t think to ask myself.

I was fully into what I would call my “foggy brain” stage of the stroke—a stage that would last for months. I just couldn’t think well. I had a hard time saying the things I felt hovering in the back of my brain or responding to questions. Verbalizing my fears or needs was difficult. I was starting to feel like I was observing everything, including myself, rather than directly experiencing it all. I was still scared, but a little detached, like it wasn’t real.

I finally thought to have Nancy give me my cell phone to call my mom. Earlier I mentioned that Larry called me at home on the landline. This turned out to be significant. When I was at home gathering the things I needed for the hospital, I grabbed my cell phone; or I thought I did. I actually put our cordless phone in my purse! That didn’t work so well in the hospital.

Actually, it probably was better that I didn’t have my phone. Between my foggy brain and my tendency to cry frequently, talking was difficult. So, I had my father-in-law, Larry, call family. Besides keeping husband Larry informed, he called Tiffany, and all my siblings and Larry’s brothers.

He called Tiffany because he couldn’t get hold of my mom. I hadn’t wanted to worry my kids. What could they do? Kyle was at BYU going to a girl’s choice dance that night and I didn’t want to interrupt that. Devin was at a ballroom competition in Idaho. Larz was in Logan attending Utah State. I thought I was sparing them all needless worry. I should have known that my hubby would call all our kids to let them know what was happening and calm their fears.

Since Kyle was the closest, a few blocks away from the hospital in the dorms at BYU, he showed up quickly having cancelled his date. I felt bad about that. When he arrived, we now had two priesthood holders present. Kyle had recently been ordained an elder before going to college. He gave his first priesthood blessing to his sick mom. It was beautiful and very comforting—and powerful. He was so calm and collected as he gave this blessing; he’d had plenty of experience watching his dad do this at home. What a wonderful experience in the middle of all this uncertainty! Afterwards, I wasn’t as fearful of what was to come.

At the hospital, my sister Cherie arrived as well as my son, Larz, who had driven down from Logan to be with me! I was so grateful and so humbled that everyone would stop their busy lives and run to the hospital. It was just a little stroke, after all (thought my foggy brain). What a wonderful family I have.

After about five hours in the ER room, the doctors finally decided it was safe to move me to an intermediate care room. I was starting to feel like everything might turn out alright (foggy brain) despite having slurred speech, trouble moving my left arm and leg, and difficulty thinking. After all, I’ve got my family and I’m in the hospital where everything gets fixed, right? In my new room, with my new hope, I fell asleep, exhausted, foggy, worried but at peace.

While I slept, Larz spent the night on a chair in my room ready to comfort me. And somewhere far away Larry sat on an airplane in the dark, and later in a cold, deserted LAX airport wondering what he might find when he arrived back home.

Starting Over

2010-11-29T09:30:00.004-07:00

The Story of My Stroke:

Part 1: The Experience

They say a cat has nine lives. I’ve never given much thought to that really. But I know that I’ve got at least two. This is my story of one of those lives ending and another beginning.

Chapter 1: My Weekend

Wow, a weekend to myself. This never happens! Larry has meetings in Mexico City. Larz and Kyle are off to college. And Devin is heading to Idaho for Ballroom competitions with his team. What will I do with myself?

I’m a very independent woman; I like having time to myself. So, lots of ideas were floating through my head. Pampering? Shopping? Just being lazy…. I love my family and being with them, but having a weekend to myself was a fun little treat—a mini-vacation.

Friday, February 27, 2010 started off great, with lots of fun plans. I went to Dream Dinners and made a bunch of meals for the family. I love that place, yummy meals that taste like homemade. Then I went out with my sister, Robin and her daughters. We went shopping for wedding dresses for Caitlin. Caitlin looked so pretty!

Later that afternoon, I treated myself to a meal with my good friends, Julie & Melinda. It was just a fun day, spending time with people I care about. No pressure to hurry my visits. I went home and spent a nice quiet evening at home, pampering myself with a warm bath, my favorite reading, and brief talk with Larry in Mexico.

The next morning, I was lazy and slept in, awaking to a bright day. As I lay in bed I thought I might wander the mall, maybe even get a massage. After a really slow morning, I finally coaxed myself into heading downstairs to our little exercise room to workout before going to play. I’d been working real hard for the past couple of months getting toned. I’d lost 10 pounds and wanted my body to be ready for hiking in Waterton this summer.

I turned on some favorite exercise tunes and started using the Bowflex. For some reason, I was struggling with getting the machine to work right. It seemed confusing and difficult. I switched to free weights and started doing a few curls. I had only done a couple when my arm dropped the weight. That’s weird. I picked it up again, and dropped it again. I picked it up again and this time told my hand, “Grip it; grip it!” Again my hand failed, the weight dropped, and this time my left leg gave out too! I crashed into the wall, feeling like I’d been thrown against it. (I later discovered a nasty bruise on my shoulder.)

Now I was a little worried. I lay on the floor and cried. My body was betraying me and I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I said a little prayer that I would be okay and would be able to get back up. As I tried to figure out what was wrong, I had a fleeting thought, “stroke?” But dismissed it even before the thought really registered. I’m too young!(I'm only 46.)

I decided I must have pinched a nerve or I just lifted the weights wrong and damaged something. My left arm and leg still weren’t working, so I crawled up the stairs. I went to the couch and decided to watch some Olympics. I felt foggy and couldn’t focus on the TV. I thought, I’ll just go take a nap and I’ll be okay.

I woke up just minutes later to the phone ringing. My mother-in-law, Nancy, was calling me. We don’t talk on the phone much since we do most of our visiting in person, so I wasn’t sure why she would be calling. I don’t remember what she said. It didn’t make much sense to me. Apparently I didn’t make much sense to her either.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

She responded back, “You aren’t alright. I can’t understand a thing you are saying. We are coming right over.”

Secretly, I was so relieved to hear those words. But, they also scared me. I had to face the reality that something bad might be happening.

I texted Larry in Mexico, “I’m scared. My arm won’t work.” He had just stepped off the stage after finishing a speech. I guess I scared him too. He called me right back on the home line. Larry tried to find out what was wrong but struggled to understand me. I was slurring my words with him. After asking yes and no questions, Larry told me that he thought I had had a stroke. He told me he had to hang up and get me help to go to the hospital. I broke into tears. I couldn’t go to the hospital! I was alone! You don’t go to the hospital when your family isn’t there to support you! And only really sick people go to the hospital. I didn’t want to be that really sick person. I told him I wasn’t going to go, but we both knew I would. I was so scared!

Larry planned to call an ambulance but called his parents first so they could be there for me at the hospital. When they answered he found that they were already on their way to our house and he asked them to rush me to the emergency room. He told them his guess that I’d had a stroke.

My in-laws, Larry (senior) and Nancy, arrived just a minute or two later and found me struggling through my tears, doing my best to gather the things I thought I might need at the hospital. Larry’s dad helped me out to their car and drove me to the hospital. I wanted to be back by evening but I had a feeling that I was falling down the rabbit hole. How deep would it go?

And They Danced...

2010-11-18T13:42:00.023-07:00

January and February are filled with Ballroom competitions. All focused on getting ready for the National Competition in March at BYU. So we spent many weekends watching the boys dance. It was fun to see them improve; to place in a competition one week, not as well the next. Judging is a very fickle thing. I often would think they danced great and then they wouldn't make the cut. And then, I'd think, "They've danced better," and they'd make it to the final cut! I can't figure it out.

But, it was fun to watch and bittersweet knowing this may be the end of Kyle's ballroom time. Who knows if he dance again after his mission?

Devin's Team at Nationals
It's a fun Bollywood routine.
He is on the front left. His hair is dyed brown.

Now do you see him? Right in the center.

He's the front middle guy.

Devin and Amy competing.

They did great!

Kyle's Last Dance...maybe
Kyle and Megan
Doesn't he look sharp in his new tail suit?

They danced beautifully!
I could have watched them "Dance All Night."
Yes, I am humming the music from My Fair Lady.

Nationals showed off all their hard work.

Then the season ends. Oh wait,
One last thing...

Spring Concert.

Waltzing...

Then a sexy tango.

A little samba fun

Then my favorite...
my boys dancing in the same routine together,
for the first time!

Thanks for stepping in to help, Kyle.
It made for a wonderful memory.

To the Dance!

Mission? Where is Kyle going?

2010-11-01T20:05:00.012-06:00

Our next big family event was...Kyle! Getting ready for a mission. Wisdom teeth pulled during Christmas break. Shots in January. Lots of interviews. And on February 2...the letter arrived! Where is Kyle going? Lots of family and friends came over to share in the excitement.

So he's going to Brazil!

Uncle Jeff and Uncle Mitch are very happy!

Sao Paulo, Brazil....here comes Kyle!

Christmas 2009

2010-11-01T19:25:00.020-06:00

This may be our last Christmas with the whole family for a while. Actually, we weren't supposed to have Christmas with the Norris family, and we didn't. But, they did surprise us and join us for New Year's. I count anytime during the holidays as Christmas time. So, we were spoiled. Thanks Tiffany and Andrew for joining us before Kyle left us for two years.

Christmas PJs

Kyle got a Tail-suit for Ballroom

Devin got a camera

Larz got a new suit...sharp dressed man!

Larry & Cathy got a few gifts too...
But our favorite gift is...
just having the family all together.

Merry Christmas!

Catch Up: Isn't this a common post for everyone?

2010-11-01T19:23:00.004-06:00

Well, I've been thinking about it for months. And now a year has almost gone by. I have to say, I had a good excuse for getting behind. More on that later. But, if I let more than a year pass by, I may never try to catch up. So here we go....

Thanksgiving

2010-01-19T18:08:00.008-07:00

We hosted Thanksgiving this year. Our house was full of family! It was great.

Tiffany and Taylor came a little early and we had them for a whole week. Andrew joined us closer to Thanksgiving.

It was a "Macfarlane year" for the dinner, but we were lucky to have time with both sides of the family. Jeff and Donna and Mom and Dad came over the weekend before Thanksgiving. We spent the first half of the week with the Mercers and the second half with Macfarlanes. John and Naomi made it up from Las Vegas; the whole family was there! We also had some bonus family members: Uncle Romney and Aunt Kathleen.

These five ran the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.
It was freezing! I think the runners were much
better off than the watchers.

Then we had family pictures!
Yes, it was a busy day.

Then, I was busy cooking, preparing, etc. So, no pics of our dinner. Sorry.

Tiffany and Andrew and Taylor were going to Alabama for Christmas;
here's a little early Christmas celebration.
Taylor loved it!

A thank you hug!
What a joy!

Yes, we still all love to watch Taylor.

A favorite family pass-time.

It's always so wonderful to have family around. It is the best blessing of Thanksgiving.

Devin Turns 16

2010-01-19T17:45:00.009-07:00

Okay. It's time do some catching up.

In October, our youngest turned 16. He's very excited...dating, driving, a little more independence. He had a great party with friends. It's fun to watch these important stages in our son's life.

We actually celebrated twice.
Dinner with family at the Spaghetti Factory on the actual birthday.

Heavy, heavy hangover...

And another party on the weekend with friends.
Pizza anyone?

Devin's choice of "birthday cake."

Had to share this too.
The next day was Halloween.

Devin as Neo from the Matrix.

Major week of spoiling. :-)

Another One Leaves the Nest

2009-10-13T17:27:00.006-06:00

Kyle has gone off to college! He headed off to the BYU campus this fall and he was pretty excited. He's living in the dorms, Helaman Halls. His roommate is from Arizona. They seem to be getting along well.
He may be close to home, but we rarely see him. I think he's liking this taste of independence; he hasn't shown much sign of homesickness. So, while Mom is a little sad about this, mostly we're glad he's enjoying his college experience. We hope he makes wonderful memories this year. The remaining three at home are rattling around and trying to find each other.

Grand Lake...Here We Come Again

2009-09-10T15:07:00.017-06:00

In August, we finally had one week where the boys were all available to take a vacation. Summers shouldn't be so busy! This was very important to Larry and I because next summer, Kyle will be taking off on his mission. We might be able to squeeze something in before he goes, but we can't count on it.

So this may be the last vacation the whole family will enjoy together for a while. With this in mind, we definitely wanted to include Andrew, Tiff, and Taylor too. That meant going close to them; Andrew's days off are limited.

After mulling over some new places...we kept going back to the idea of Grand Lake. We had such fun and enjoyed Grand Lake so much last year, we figured a repeat was a great idea. And AT & T were able to join us for the weekend!

We hiked to Adam's Falls again. Always fun.

We also invited T Taylor to join us. He fits in well with our boys.

Andrew and Taylor heading out for a bike ride.

Roasting s'mores.

We spent lots of time playing games. Settlers, Bananagrams, Hearts....
They are playing together...competing against each other.

Waiting to go to church.

Everyone went on a hike,

while Grandma stayed back to play with Taylor. :-)

Water, rocks, sticks...life can't get better than this.

Taylor loves to throw the rocks and sticks, but he HAS to taste them first.

I love this pic...he's wet and so into the water and rocks.

This was so much fun!
We've got a special place in our hearts now for Grand Lake.
I'm sure we'll be going there again.

Summer of "Run"

2009-08-08T17:46:00.008-06:00

We had some fun "run" experiences this summer. I don't know where they got their love of running (definitely NOT from me!) Must be that Macfarlane blood. Well, wherever it came from, some of our kids decided it was time to push their bodies and run.

Kyle ran a marathon for the first time! He trained for only 2 months and off he went. He did great! He says it was to check it off his "Bucket List," and has no plans to do it again. But, I wouldn't be surprised to see him try to improve his time. He learned alot.

Tiffany and Andrew gave in to the urge to run, bike, and swim. They both entered a triathalon with Donna Mercer. All three did great. Tiffany is ready to go again and trying to get Kyle to try a triathalon now. I'm so proud of my family. And I'll keep cheering from the sidelines.

Andrew, Tiffany, Donna, and Donna's friend

Taylor Turns 1!

2009-07-04T17:56:00.007-06:00

While Andrew and Tiffany were here for Kyle's graduation, we also celebrated Taylor's birthday. (We actually celebrated 3 days early...but, shhhh, we won't tell him.) It was fun celebrating before they had to head back home. So, what's 3 days?
We went swimming and then let Taylor enjoy his cake and ice cream. And boy did he enjoy it!

He sure loves the water!

It was pretty funny...seven adults all following one baby around the pool.
We all had fun just watching Taylor.

He had to go on this slide. And he went several times!

Taylor eating his cake.

I'm not sure if Taylor got more cake ON him
OR
IN him. But, he sure had fun!
And we loved watching him.

Happy Birthday, Taylor! We sure love you!

Kyle Graduates

2009-06-24T18:31:00.009-06:00

I can't believe another one of our kids is ready to leave the nest and try the life of an adult. Kyle graduated from Timpanogos High School! It was a beautiful day and we had lots of wonderful family support. My parents and Tiffany and Taylor drove over from Colorado. Larry's parents came and lots of aunts, uncles, cousins were there to celebrate with Kyle. Thanks family!

Kyle with Grandpa & Grandma Mercer

Kyle with Aaron, Lauren, Ryan, and Devin

Grandma Macfarlane & Grandma Mercer helping with the Graduation Feast!

Ashley had the cutest eye patch decorated in honor of Kyle.
Thanks Ashley! We loved it.

Congratulations Kyle! We are so proud of you. Kyle is planning on going to BYU. He's excited for the next stage of life. We know he'll do great.

Cinco de Mayo

2009-06-13T15:08:00.005-06:00

We don't usually celebrate this holiday, but the guys at XangGo did. They called it Cinco de Mustache. I had to share these awesome pics of Larry.

It looks pretty good for a fake.

End of School Year

2009-06-13T14:48:00.007-06:00

As I'm sure all of you have experienced, the end of the school year brings a onslaught of activities: end of year concerts, prom, awards nights, and all sorts of ways to celebrate the end of another school year.

Here are a few of our highlights:

Kyle and Amber on Prom night.

We had a little extra excitement with Prom this year. We had to rush to the ER after Kyle sliced open his finger while preparing lunch for his date and the others in his Prom group. He called me up and said, "Mom, I almost sliced my finger off!" Just what every mom loves to hear. It wasn't as bad as he made it sound. He almost cut off the top of his finger to the first knuckle, not the whole finger! But that was bad enough. So, they gave him some shots to numb him up, he got stitched up and went back to his Prom activities.

Devin's end of year band concert was themed "Through the Decades." Devin had to dress up like the 80's. So, on came the parachute pants and the pastel blue shirt. I wish you could see it!

Kyle's ward friends at seminary graduation.

Kyle's last team ballroom concert. He's had so much fun with this, it's sad to see it end.

Devin also had a Freshman Finale. Mom wasn't there to take pictures. He's off to high school next year!

Big Island of Hawaii

2009-06-13T14:10:00.015-06:00

For Spring Break, Larry, Devin, Kyle and I went to the Big Island of Hawaii. Kyle is graduating and we wanted to do something special with him. Time is running out before he leaves the nest.

We had a great time. With two teenage boys, we were very active. And they aren't kidding when they call it the BIG island. We tried to see it all. I think we get points for a valiant effort. We saw a couple of black sand beaches and even a green sand beach, yes green.

We celebrated Kyle's 18th birthday there and Easter Sunday. We swam, snorkeled, hiked, explored, the guys all learned to surf, we kayaked, went to a luau...I'm sure I'm forgetting something. It was go, go, go!

Devin getting ready to snorkle.

Don't you love my Easter baskets? Much easier to pack.

First black sand beach.

Visiting the volcanic crater, Kilauea.

Street sign swallowed up by lava.

Exploring a lava tube.

Here's the green sand!

I don't know why, but I love petroglyphs. So, I dragged my boys on some hikes to seek them out.

Up close and personal with some sea turtles at our second black sand beach.

Devin surfing!

Kyle...lookin' good!

Enjoying a luau and the end of the trip. Aloha!

Updating Life: February and March

2009-04-22T08:44:00.014-06:00

Okay. So, I'm really bad at regular posts. I guess it's because I'm really bad at taking pictures unless it's an "event." So here's a little update on what's been going on in our life:

February:
Larry and I flew over to Colorado to surprise Tiffany for her birthday. Andrew had recently started his internship with a construction company in Denver, Colorado. Colorado is a little farther than Idaho, but family is there. So we were excited that he found an internship and also that it was near my parents and brother.

I was missing Tiffany and Andrew and little Taylor keeps changing so fast...it was time to see them. Tiffany was totally surprised and we had a great weekend visiting, checking out their news digs, exploring Denver, eating out, and celebrating Tiff's birthday.

March:
March was Ballroom Month after many hours of practicing with their partners and with their teams. Devin and Kyle competed in the National Amateur Ballroom Competition at BYU. They did great! They both made it to the semi-finals in their individual competitions. Their teams also placed. Kyle's Latin team took 8th and Devin's Latin took 2nd and Standard took 1st. Good job boys! We are very proud of them. Tiffany, Andrew, Taylor, and Larz all came to see them compete. Kyle is finishing high school and this was his last team competition. He may still compete individually with his partner until he goes on his mission.

Devin's Team
Devin had black hair for the Latin Dance

Kyle and Partner

Kid in a Sink

2009-01-19T15:44:00.004-07:00

While Tiffany and Andrew were staying with us, we discovered a great place for Taylor to play. We have an extra sink in our kitchen island that we rarely use. It is deep enough to have Taylor sit in and still see out. We put him in there once just to be silly and discovered...he liked it. We put some "toys" in there and he could reach them easily whenever he dropped them. I think he also liked being up with the rest of us. He seemed to feel like he was a part of the action while he was there.

Christmas Memories 2008

2009-01-03T18:01:00.025-07:00

Christmas this year was Fantastic! We had all the family home for the holidays for two whole weeks. It's hard to see it come to an end. Here are some of our fun holiday memories:

First we had some Christmas Ballroom Concerts

Cathy's Birthday
Cathy is 8!

We had a VERY white Christmas!
Yes, Andrew is in shorts. Crazy!

Taylor was very happenin' in his hats.

Christmas Eve at Grandma & Grandpa Macfarlane's
Isn't that the happiest and cutest baby Jesus?

Christmas Eve Gift: Jammies!

Christmas Day!
Santa came!
Lining up to see our gifts...smallest to biggest, well...kindof...
Dad's White Envelopes

We also had Christmas day dinner and games at the Becks. Game nights with the Macfarlanes. Saw "Valkyrie" with the Becks and Davises. Saw "Bedtime Stories" and "Seven Pounds." Went bowling. Ate out a couple of times. Watched movies in the theater room. Played Wii. Played lots and lots of family games. Watched the Alabama vs. Utes game...sorry Andrew. :-(
Had a New Year's Eve party. And just had a lot of fun family times. It was great!

Tagged

2008-12-09T08:10:00.006-07:00

So I've been tagged by my daughter, Tiffany, for one list and my friend, Ginger, for another. I thought about combining them, but I think it would be a mess. But, I did tweak them just a bit. I have less items on my list. I'm either too boring or I'm just lame and can't come up with more. Sorry. So here goes:

Tiffany's Tag:

Five Shows I love to Watch:
American Idol
So You Think You Can Dance
CSI
Monk
CSI: NY

Five Favorite Restaurants:
Carrabba's
Chef's Table
The Tree Room
Magleby's (for the cake)
Bombay House

Five Things That Happened Yesterday:
Larry left for California
I worked on Christmas Cards
Devin went to Ballroom Team
Kyle cooked dinner
It finally snowed here! (It didn't stay, but still.)

Five Things I Love About Winter:
Snow
Hot Chocolate
Reading by the Fire
My Birthday
Christmas

Five Things On My Wish List:
Touring around England
Bookcases for our downstairs
A vacation with just my honey
Having my kids live close to me
Having more grandkids

Five Things I Look Forward To:
Seeing all my kids married in the temple
Seeing my boys go on missions
Spending time with grandkids
Having Tiffany, Andrew, and Taylor here for this
Christmas
Christmas Break

Five People I Tag: Carrie, Ginger, Stephanie, Donna, Leslie

Ginger's Tag: Five Unspectacular Quirks
1. I love to make lists. So you would think that I would love this tagging. I guess the list
making has to be of my choosing.

2. I like to have my porch lights on until 10:00 p.m. If anyone wants to visit up till then, it's
okay by me. Larry disagrees. He feels like we should turn off the lights when we head up
to our bedroom, even if it's only 8:00.

3. I like to figure out the maximum time I can sleep at night. So, my alarm is never set for
something like 6:30 or 7:00. It's set for something like 6:34 or 6: 52.

4. If I am worried about something (and I am a professional worrier) my kids hear about it
non-stop. "Now remember..." or "Did you do..."

5. I hate to be late. I don't even really like to be on time. I like to be early. I feel prepared
and ready for something that might delay me to just being on time. Larry likes to be on
time, not a minute sooner than he needs to be. So this is something we are still
negotiating on.

Okay for this one I tag: Tiffany and Megan

Taylor

2008-12-02T21:53:00.025-07:00

We are not the best at taking pictures of our family happenings when we are home. On vacation....tons. Home, not so much. But, we do love taking pictures of Taylor and showing off Taylor. So here are a few of my favorites of my adorable grandson who is 6 months old today!

It's Ballroom Time Again!

2008-11-05T17:27:00.008-07:00

Okay...so writing once a week is NOT happening! I'm a lame mom and I don't take enough pictures of our life. So, be patient and my new goal is 2 - 3 weeks. Let's hope I can manage that!

Ballroom Season has begun again. I don't know if it's really called a season, but I feel like it is with the events and competitions in full swing from fall through winter. You have to be just as dedicated a parent as any "sports parent."

From October to March, we have competitions, competitions, competitons...all to get ready for Nationals at BYU in March.

Kyle is on the Timpanogos High School Team and he competes in individual dances with his partner, Megan Butler. Devin is on the BYU Youth Team and he competes in individual dances with his partner, Caroline Sorensen. They both really enjoy it and are getting better all the time. And yes, we enjoy watching them. All the dancing practices and competitions keep you hopping, but it's fun too. I can't dance a waltz, samba, quickstep, etc. And all three of my boys are great at it!

Devin & Caroline

Kyle & Megan

Greece

2008-10-06T10:29:00.010-06:00

For our 25th anniversary, Larry and I took a trip to Greece. We were expecting a trip on a yacht ( the description of the yacht said they had spent 7 million Euro on renovations.) So, you can imagine we were picturing a very nice boat. We would travel for 10 days to many of the Greek islands, including the well-known island of Santorini. Then we would spend a few days in Athens. We were so excited for this luxury trip.

When we arrived at our boat. We discovered it was NOT anywhere close to being a yacht. I will let the pictures tell the story. And with the waters being rough near Santorini, this boat couldn't take us there. We struggled for a couple of days with this disappointment along with the others who signed up for this trip. But, the 18 other guests on the boat were so friendly and Greece and the waters were so beautiful. The ruins were awe inspiring. We soon focued on all the good things and had a great time.

Isn't this an awsome yacht?

Here's our suite.

Temple RuinsBeautiful Beaches, amazingly clear and turquoise waters.

I loved all the blue doors and windows all over Greece.Ampitheater at Epidaurus. The accoustics and carvings are awesome.

Here we are on the Acropolis. The Parthenon is behind us.

We've got a blog!

2008-09-19T19:22:00.007-06:00

After a lot of encouragement and prodding from my hubby and daughter, I am putting aside my nervousness and starting a blog. Larry set it up for me and Tiffany is helping me with my first post. So, hopefully I'll quickly get the hang of this and enjoy sharing some family news with the rest of you.

Our wonderful family picture was taken at Grand Lake, Colorado. We went there for our family vacation this year. It was so beautiful and relaxing. We loved having the whole family together for a week. We also were treated to visits from Jeff and Donna and family and my parents. We so appreciated their willingness to drive up to spend some time with us. We really had a great time.

Here are a few more memories from this great trip.